This was on the door when we got home this evening:
FedEx is the Home Depot of delivery companies: Horribly managed with lazy employees who don’t care.
UPS is clearly the Lowe’s: Bright, cheery, helpful, and competent.
But seriously FedEx, you’re just awful. I mean, always. Every. Single. Time.
By the way, yes, we did find our package without a problem. This is more a commentary on FedEx being terrible.
yankee.velo.foxtrot 
Does that say “Under mat” by any chance?
That’s what we eventually deciphered it to be as well – and that’s indeed where it was.
You win!
Sorry though, I spent the $20 on candy.
Sounds like the perfect use for your $20. I’d have done the same.
Aw. I wanted the $20. 😉